This is a departure from my regular posts. Here, I write a very personal letter that I would like to share with you, one, I think, my son will be very happy to receive.
Happy Birthday! I hope you are celebrating where you are, with your grandparents, your great-grandparents, and Aunt Margie and Uncle John. And of course, all our ancestors whom you have so diligently taught the gospel over these past – almost – twenty years. It shows in the amount of names I’ve been able to take or send to the temple. You honor your name, and you honor your priesthood.
And yes, we can’t forget your brother. Your life wasn’t complete here without Junior. I’m certain it would be the same there. I can just see him now, trying to set things up where there will be some sort of surprise.
Well, I have a surprise of my own. For me, this is the year of letting go. I’m letting go of my depression Letting go of my fears. Of what has held me back for all these years. And yes, my dear, I’m letting go of you.
I’m finally letting you go to do the things, whatever they may be, that you need to do. You don’t need to worry about me any longer. I am well taken care of. You knew that the day you died. I did, too. But I’ve been so caught up in grief all these years, so afraid that if I let go, I’d be letting go of love. That I’d be saying, in a way, that I loved you less.
But that’s not it at all. In fact, it’s freeing. I can grow. And so can you And isn’t that what love is all about?
And so, my son, my love, my light, I am finally saying what I should have said a long time ago.
Until we meet again,
Goodbye for now.
I love you forever,
What have you to say that you have left unsaid?
A Pocketful of Joy to Fill Your Day