A Pocketful of Memories

Anniversaries are a pretty big deal. And there are hallmark anniversaries, such as a 20 year mark, and we celebrate them with great joy.
But then there are days like today. This is the 20th anniversary of the death of my older son, James. And all I have are memories, and the loss of what could have been.
Grief is a peculiar thing. It hits you when you least expect it. And it’s interesting the reaction I get when I mention my pain. After all, it has been a long time. And people think I should be over it.
But how does one get over the loss of a child? You might as well have cut out my heart. In fact, that’s exactly what happened. And I am still picking up the pieces.
I do have my memories, however. And no one can take them away from me.
So, indulge me while I reminisce.
James was all about boyscouts and basketball. And music and track and debate. He played the french horn and would run anywhere from 10 to 20 miles per day when he was a long-distance runner for his high school track team. He was also on the debate team. I still have his trophies, and his french horn mouthpiece. When I touch it to my lips, it’s almost like a kiss, for his lips touched it, too.

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This photo was taken four and a half years before he died. He didn’t change much, except he was losing his hair. Poor kid.
He was only 21 when he died. I sometimes wonder what he might have become. He wanted to be an airline pilot. He loved the skies.
But now he flies higher than any plane could have taken him. He’s my angel. I’ve almost gotten used to it. Almost.
But I still miss you, James! And I will always love you.

What memories are you making with the ones you love today?

A Pocketful of Joy to Fill Your Day

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A Pocketful of Gratitude Into Eternity

Today is the 24th anniversary of the death of my son, Junior. He was killed by a drunk driver in a one-car crash.
He was just 14 when he died, but tonight I want to focus more on his life. He was so full of life.
His favorite color was black, and he was the only person I know of who was “invited” to join two different street gangs, and he turned both of them down. And they were ok with that! That’s how much of a diplomat he was.
But he hated school. He cut class 6 times in one quarter and 9 times in the next one… in KINDERGARTEN! I knew I was in trouble then, especially when he was found several times at the local park with one of his 5 girlfriends. I still have their names and phone numbers in his little kindergarten handwriting somewhere.
I know I am writing randomly, as my thoughts roam back through my memory, so I will close with the lyrics to a song I wrote just a year after Junior died, called:
      The Love of a Lifetime
The love of a lifetime
Was taken from me much too soon to bear
And all I have are memories of the child I hold so dear
And the love of a lifetime.
The love of a lifetime
Lived for only fourteen too-short years
And all the joys we once knew are now mingled with the tears
For the love of a lifetime.
Now I walk alone
My future isn’t clear
This pain within my heart will last
Through all my years
But the love of a lifetime
Was so precious to me
So full of life
And I’m glad I had the chance to spend
Those fourteen years
With the love of a lifetime.
And he left behind just enough love
To last my lifetime.

Please, don’t drink and drive.

A Pocketful of Joy to Fill Your Day

A Pocketful of Gratitude

I turned 60 in May. And I am so grateful! Just a couple of years ago, I didn’t think I would live that long. Actually, last December, I didn’t know if I would make it. I have been so sick. But my Heavenly Father has allowed me to live long enough to see my 60th birthday! And I didn’t have to spend it in the hospital or in rehab, either! I’m so happy!

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This was taken on my 60th birthday, just before some dear friends took hubby and me to Chili’s for lunch! (Notice what my shirt says!)
I have so much for which to be grateful. My next blog will be about those grandkids my shirt alludes to.
For what have you to be grateful?

A Pocketful of Joy Just Enough to Fill Your Day