A Pocketful of Memories

Anniversaries are a pretty big deal. And there are hallmark anniversaries, such as a 20 year mark, and we celebrate them with great joy.
But then there are days like today. This is the 20th anniversary of the death of my older son, James. And all I have are memories, and the loss of what could have been.
Grief is a peculiar thing. It hits you when you least expect it. And it’s interesting the reaction I get when I mention my pain. After all, it has been a long time. And people think I should be over it.
But how does one get over the loss of a child? You might as well have cut out my heart. In fact, that’s exactly what happened. And I am still picking up the pieces.
I do have my memories, however. And no one can take them away from me.
So, indulge me while I reminisce.
James was all about boyscouts and basketball. And music and track and debate. He played the french horn and would run anywhere from 10 to 20 miles per day when he was a long-distance runner for his high school track team. He was also on the debate team. I still have his trophies, and his french horn mouthpiece. When I touch it to my lips, it’s almost like a kiss, for his lips touched it, too.


This photo was taken four and a half years before he died. He didn’t change much, except he was losing his hair. Poor kid.
He was only 21 when he died. I sometimes wonder what he might have become. He wanted to be an airline pilot. He loved the skies.
But now he flies higher than any plane could have taken him. He’s my angel. I’ve almost gotten used to it. Almost.
But I still miss you, James! And I will always love you.

What memories are you making with the ones you love today?

A Pocketful of Joy to Fill Your Day


22 thoughts on “A Pocketful of Memories

  1. All your posts about your son really touch my heart. Blogging is not just about laughing and merry making but sharing.
    We had two similar deaths in my family. My sister-in-law lost her young son, a very happy, chirpy vibrant guy quite like your son. I asked her how she lives without him. She said…it’s just like taking each breath as it comes because you have to and like counting your own days. It’s not life.

    You should never forget him. You should remember him as if he is there. At the same time, try doing some social work with children and young adults. Have many other young people in your life, help them out, give them love. If it’s too late to adopt a child/young adult, then sponsor a child and help them in their formative years. Probably you already do all that Betty, so please don’t mind my suggestions. It’s just that one has to try and find a way out of impossible situations of life.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I don’t mind your suggestions at all. And I do, as much as I can. I have grandchildren through my husband, and I am enjoying them so much. I never thought I would be a grandma, so this is very special to me. And of course, there are the young people in my Church. They help a lot, as do you, my friend. Thanks so much.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I am glad you have grandchildren to enjoy in your life.You deserve every piece of happiness that comes your way. I agree grief is something that we all experience differently, and certainly no one should be telling someone else how to feel and handle it. Hugs and thank you for telling us about James and letting us get to know who your young man was. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I have very fond memories of spending precious time with my daughter. I would like to make a suggestion, why not write your son’s biography, if it’s not to painful for you. Sometimes I think that writing is therapy for many people, and if it would help, you can use the blogposts you created ain his memory and add some anecdites, or other information, and make it a mini book, or a full length memoire You never know, you may touch the life of other people who lost loved ones in accidents caused by drunk drivers.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks. That is the plan. I do write, but I am trying to figure out how I want to do this. You see, I have to write a biography for both my boys, and being that Junior, my younger boy, died first, his entire life is written in James’ life. It’s a daunting task. But your suggestions help. Maybe I’ll blog about my progress and can get some feedback along the way. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Beautiful Blog Betty. Your are in my thoughts and my heart. I can not imagine the pain but only know that through your grief you have helped others, so thank you dear lady for sharing your story.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. This is such a moving but very beautiful post, Betty. As a mother myself, your memories and sorrow touched me deeply, though I can only imagine the pain you have lived with for so long. I’m glad your memories of your sons are still with you to give you comfort.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m glad to see you so much better after your long stay in hospital. I really admire the way you’re so positive and always aim to move forward with your life. I hope your writing is going well, too. It’s something to focus on, and I know you’re well into your book. I really wish you well with it.

        Liked by 1 person

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