Today is my best friend’s birthday. She’s sixty years old and we’ve been friends for forty two of those years. She has been with me through the deaths of both my boys.
I wouldn’t mention it except that tomorrow is the 25th anniversary of the death of my older son, James.
Friendship is a key component to healing a heart. She once called me up to ask me to tell her something, anything about him. It’s wonderful that she knew him, that I didn’t have to describe him to get my point across. Even more wonderful is that she asked about him at a time when most people in my life think I should be over it by now, that I should have moved on with my life long before now.
She understands how my life stopped when my boys died. She was a first hand witness of the devastation. She heard the cries, she saw the light go out in my eyes. And she knows how crucial it is to remember. Many people knew of his death, but she knew him in life. She saw him grow up. And memories are like photographs. How we love sharing them.
I’m grateful for such a friend who allows me to still cry, to still laugh, to share my boy.
Grief doesn’t get better, it just gets less often. If you have a grieving friend, don’t be afraid of mentioning their loved one. You won’t be “bringing up old memories” or “reminding” them. I can guarantee they remember…and it hurts to think nobody else does.
Do you have someone you can reach out to today with love and memories?
A Pocketful of Joy to Fill Your Day